I was out to lunch the other day (literally, not figuratively) with co-workers at a nearby breakfast/lunch place.
“I’ve always wondered,” one co-worker said as we slid into our booth, “why a breakfast and lunch place has votive candles on the tables.”
We look at the candle holder she’s holding up.
“Is there a candle in there?”
“Yep. Burned wick, and covered in dust.”
That got me thinking about other things that don’t make much sense:
- It’s a thing. We all talk about it. So, why, in an otherwise totally empty theater, bus, or open grassy field in a park, do people choose to pull up a seat right by where you are seated or situated?
- If love is blind, why does lingerie sell so well?
- Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii? (Actually, I know the answer to that, because the WA State Ferry system in the Puget Sound is considered part of the State Highway system. Who says highways are only made of asphalt? Why not water or air?)
- Why is a team sport, in which only one player’s foot ever touches the ball, called Football? I mean, Baseball and Basketball and Handball make sense. What is the root, or genesis of the words Rugby, Soccer, or Cricket for that matter? Badminton? Hockey? Tennis? Luge? Ping Pong?
- “Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did, so why ask?”
- Why is it called a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free of charge?
- Why do people long for immortality when they can’t figure out what to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon?
- Can you imagine a world without hypothetical situations?
- If a train station is where a train stops, what is a work station? Exactly.
- If the pen is mightier than a sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is Twitter? Wait. Don’t answer that.
- Why are there Braille signs on the drive-through ATMs?
- Ironic, but I’m pretty sure “Do Not Walk on Grass” signs did not just sprout up in the middle of a lawn.
- Why didn’t Noah just swat those two mosquitoes when he had the chance?!
- Why isn’t phonetic spelled like it sounds? For that matter, why is monosyllabic a polysyllabic word?
- If “21” is pronounced twenty-one, why isn’t “11” pronounced tenty-one?
- If a lawyer can be disbarred, and clergy defrocked, then electricians should be delighted, musicians denoted, and cowboys deranged. Right?
- Ever know someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, peccable or whelmed? Yeah, me neither.
- If “con” and “pro” are opposites, then it follows that Congress is the opposite of progress…right?
Mother Nature: “SCATTER! I said, scatter your petals! Scatter your petals on the passing wind!”
Cherry Tree: “Sorry, Mom.”
Wrapping up Week 2 of the flu from hell. When the hallucinogenic effect of fever wears off, and my brain emerges from its mucus-laden bog, and I can go a full five, nay, ten minutes without coughing up a lung, I’m sure my sense of humor will return.